The Small Print
by Coquettishness
Summary: Charlie lands Edward in jail. Hilarity and community service ensue. However, while on a community service assignment in the lesser known areas around Forks, an encounter leaves Edward and Bella with a much bigger problem on their hands. Edward/Bella.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary**: Charlie lands Edward in jail. Hilarity and community service ensue. However, while on a community service assignment in the lesser known areas around Forks, an encounter with an elderly citizen in need leaves Edward and Bella with a much bigger problem on their hands.

**Time Period:** Sometime between _New Moon_ and _Eclipse_.

**Pairing**: Edward/Bella

**Rated**: R just to be safe for future chapters. This chapter is completely PG.

**Author's Notes**: Another Muse title. Let's call it my signature mark. ;)

* * *

**The Small Print**  
By Coquette

Part One

Edward wasn't making a bit of sense.

Standing in the kitchen over a pot of simmering spaghetti sauce, I stared at the phone in my hand for a minute like it had suddenly turned into something else. Like a banana. "Sorry, can you say that again?" I asked, dumbfounded. "I don't think I heard you right the first time."

There was a sharp sigh on the other end of the line. "Charlie arrested me," Edward repeated, his voice strained and annoyed. "It's _ridiculous_."

"Oh. That's what I thought you said."

I set down the spoon I was using to stir the sauce and placed a hand on my hip, weight shifting onto one leg. Well, that certainly wasn't what I had expected to hear when I'd picked up the phone. It was true that Charlie had never really forgiven Edward for leaving me high and dry for so many months ... and then returning to town once again to take up all my time. But the idea of Charlie abusing his badge just to get back at my off-and-on boyfriend seemed a little beyond the norm.

In fact, the only thing that made any sense was that Charlie had brought Edward in because he had actually _done something_ worthy of an arrest. That was a little disconcerting.

"You didn't kill anyone, did you?" I asked, perhaps a little more casually than I should have.

"What? No!"

"Because you can tell me if you did."

"Oh, be sensible, Bella. It's nothing. Really. Like I said before, utterly ridiculous."

And yet I remained skeptical. There was always the more obvious conclusion. This was Edward Cullen we were talking about after all.

"Were you driving?" I asked.

"Well ... maybe."

"Were you speeding?" Then I interrupted myself to answer my own question. "Wait, what am I saying? Of course you were speeding. Silly me."

A pause, then a careful reply. "Not at that particular moment I wasn't. You know I have a built-in radar. When I encountered him, I was going forty-two miles an hour. That's three less than the posted limit."

"Then what did you do wrong?"

He growled, low under his breath. "I was ... oh, it's so absurd I don't even want to say it."

"Edward, I'm going to find out eventually."

Another sigh, resigned this time. "I was talking on my cell phone while I was driving," he said finally, all in one big rush.

"Oh." My tone was light with relief. Was that all? "That's illegal in Washington, you know. The hand-free law or whatever it's called. You're supposed to use one of those earpieces."

"Well, I didn't know that, did I? I wouldn't have used my cell phone when anyone was around if I had."

"Wait, he arrested you for _that_? That seems a little much."

Edward cleared his throat, then continued in a low voice. "Well, that wasn't all that went wrong."

I turned the flame off on the stove and put a lid on top of the sauce. I had a feeling dinner was going to go uneaten tonight. "What else did you do? You didn't mouth off to him, did you? Charlie gets really mad when reckless drivers do that."

"I didn't mouth off. I was painfully polite, as I always am to him. And I'm not a reckless driver."

"Says you. Come on, what else did you do?"

"Well, I've never been pulled over before. I didn't think I ever would be. So I didn't have the necessary documents in the car that he wanted."

I arched an eyebrow. "Such as?"

"Well, for one, the registration on the car was expired," he admitted. "I forget about that kind of thing sometimes. And I haven't had it inspected as often as I should have. But I mean have you _seen_ my car? As if it needs inspecting! My emissions alone are probably a thousand times better than that smog-beast truck he bought for you. It's preposterous."

"Oh, Edward," I sighed, rubbing my temple. I had a sudden headache. "Is that all?"

"No."

"Spill."

"There's also the small matter of insurance on the car."

I groaned. It was going to be a long, long night. "Let me guess. You don't have it."

"I hardly think I need it. I've never had an accident, and I never will. I'm a superior driver." I could almost hear him preening like a peacock on the other end of the line.

"And what if someone just happens to rear-end you at a red light?"

"I'd move before they hit me," he replied as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

"What if someone hits your car when you're not in it? Like in a parking lot."

A pause. "Insurance covers that?"

"Um. Yeah."

"Oh." His tone brightened considerably. "Well, that sounds lovely. I'll look into purchasing it."

"Anything else? Wait, wait. Let me guess. Your driver's license is actually fake because you were really born in nineteen-oh-whatever, and Charlie found out when he ran the license number?"

There was another pause, longer this time. "How did you know all that?" he asked suspiciously. "Have you been talking to Alice? If she saw this and chose not to warn me, I'm going to kill her. Are you ... are you _laughing_, Bella? I find nothing humorous about this."

I struggled to stifle my sniggers. "It is a little funny. Don't be mad."

"Look, I can't talk much longer, and this is my only phone call. You should see the condition of this payphone. Disgusting."

"I'm a little surprised you chose to call me. Why not your family?"

Edward made a _hmph_ sound. "Because I'd never hear the end of it. And because Charlie's your father, and he'll listen to you. Now come get him off my back. It's not as if I can bend the bars, walk out, and hope he doesn't say anything when I pick you up for our next date."

"Okay, okay," I said as I grabbed my keys. "I'll be there soon enough. Oh, and Edward?"

"What is it, Bella?"

"Don't drop the soap until I get there."

He hung up on me, and I melted into giggles.

* * *

It was raining outside – of course – because it was Washington, and that's just how it was. I maneuvered the streets with care, my old truck's shabby tires slipping a bit whenever I tried to accelerate. When I got to the police department, I was surprised to see a familiar car in the parking lot. Not someone I expected at all. My shoulders tensed, my heartbeat quickened.

"Jacob?" I asked when I got inside, shaking rainwater from my hair. I'd had to run from the car to keep from getting soaked. It had almost worked. "What are you doing here?"

I asked the question hesitantly, almost shyly. A hopeful smile pulled at the corners of my mouth. We still weren't at the same place we had been before Edward's return to Forks. In fact, Jacob remained pretty mad at me. I hadn't heard a thing from him in a long time, and he ignored my calls. I wasn't even sure if he would talk to me now with me standing right in front of him.

He loomed in the corner of the station, right at the entrance. There were a few chairs lined up for visitors to wait, but Jacob had chosen to lean against wall instead. His dark eyes were laughing, his mouth pulled into a smirk. But when he turned and saw me, a myriad of emotions floated across his face. Bitterness. Affection. Maybe a little smugness.

"Oh," he said, his tone even. "Hi."

I thrilled at the sound of his voice. My best friend – actually _speaking_ to me again. I repeated my question and asked why he was there.

He shrugged his tense shoulders. "Just here for the show, is all. I can guess why you showed up."

I grimaced. "How'd you find out?"

"About the bloodsucker getting arrested? I was with Charlie when he pulled him over." Jacob broke off, eyes focusing anywhere but my face. He smiled at the ground, like he was remembering something that made him very, very happy. "It was _great_."

My frown deepened. No wonder Edward had been so annoyed. He hadn't told me Jacob had been there. "What were you doing with Charlie? Male bonding or something?"

I didn't mean for it to sound like an accusation, but it certainly came out that way. Charlie obviously liked Jacob more than Edward. I could deal with that, though it hurt. But what hurt far more than that was the knowledge that Jacob was associating with Charlie ... but not with me.

"Something like that, yeah." Jacob eyed me carefully, and despite his irritation, I could see that he missed me just as much as I missed him. "Look. I should go. You..." He sighed harshly, hands digging into his pockets. "You look good, Bella. Happier. I'm glad for that much. I just wish ... there was a different way to make you happy."

I didn't wish that at all. Having Edward back after all those months alone – I was dizzy with happiness and relief. All the time. I still cared for Jacob, my pillar of strength during the darkest time of my life. I hated that I couldn't reciprocate what he felt for me, but there was nothing I could do about it.

"I'm sorry, Jake," I told him. I'm pretty sure he caught my meaning. I wasn't apologizing for being happy but rather because our friendship had suffered from it. I wanted to reach out and touch his arm. He seemed to anticipate the movement and abruptly moved toward the door. I froze in place, stung.

He stopped in the doorway and looked back one last time. His eyes were apologetic ... but still heated. Stubborn. "Bye, Bella. I bet if you ask Charlie, he'll let you see the mug shot."

I smiled at him, a tiny nugget of hope burrowing into my chest. "It was good seeing you, Jake."

He didn't reply – just swept from the station, shoulders hunched against the rain, hands still in his pockets. I don't know why, but I had the feeling, depending on Edward's punishment, that Jacob would be outside of my bedroom window watching me that night. Oh, well. Nothing I could do about it.

Pulling myself from my thoughts, I waved to the cop on duty at the desk and went to the back where my dad's office was located. Charlie was bent over some paperwork, engrossed as he munched noisily on a stereotypical donut. He hated his office and rarely spent any time there. Only after receiving plea after plea for him to complete his paperwork would he ever venture there. There were no less than four forgotten cups of coffee on his desk, only one of them steaming, still hot. He didn't notice me and punched away on a calculator like it had done something wrong.

I leaned against the door-jam and cleared my throat.

"Charlie."

He glanced up from his work. A satisfied smile formed on his face.

"Bella."

"Well?" I asked, walking over and sitting on the edge of his desk. I held my hand out. "Let's see it."

His smile widened into a full-fledged grin. Fumbling momentarily through his paperwork, he pulled out a document with Edward's name and information printed on it. The mugshot was paper-clipped to the top, right next to the rows of boxes that contained his fingerprints.

The picture looked like a GQ centerfold – one where the model's face is wracked with so much exquisite angst that his eyes seemed to say,_ I'm so utterly beautiful that it __**hurts**__._

I handed it back reluctantly. "I'll be wanting a copy of this."

Charlie nodded his understanding. "I'll make two. Hey, didn't I ground you? What are you doing outside the house? And what about dinner?"

"Oh, come on, dad! You arrested my boyfriend and didn't even call to let me know. Do you really expect me to stay at home and do nothing?"

Charlie shook his head in resigned disapproval. "All right, I guess. You can go back and see him if you want, but I gotta tell you, Bell. He's in a heap of trouble. Driving with a fake license? No insurance, expired registration, expired everything. He's going to be lucky if he can get a _real_ license for a good, long while. We're talking a night in jail. Fines. Community service, if he plays his cards right. And you, young lady, are not going to convince me to let him out."

"I know. Just go easy on him."

"I'll go easy on him when I know you're in good hands with him. He hasn't proved that to me, yet, and it's gonna be a snowy day in hell when he does. This certainly isn't helping me trust him anymore. I should forbid you to see him all together."

"I'm eighteen now, dad. You can't just do that and expect me to stick around."

His face flushed red with anger, but he said nothing more regarding that particular matter. Sometimes Charlie was smart enough to pick his battles with care. He chose another, coming at me from a different angle. "Did you know about any of this car nonsense beforehand?"

"No. He just told me on the phone."

Charlie started up his classic _Well, Jacob_ rant then. _Well, Jacob does this. And Jacob told me that._ My vision sort of went unfocused, and I hummed a little song in my head until he was finished with all the hero worship.

"Are you even listening to me, Bella?"

"Are there anymore donuts?" I said by means of a reply.

Charlie growled, his face shifting from red to purple, a color I was becoming all too familiar with. He pointed to the greasy, pink box on top of his filing cabinet. "_He_ doesn't get one. And if you touch the jelly-filled, you're grounded. More."

* * *

Led by a rookie police officer, I carried my hard-fought jelly donut with me to Edward's cell. Besides him, all of the other cells were empty save one. One of the town winos was in it, high on something, mumbling about zeta reticulans and the end of the world as we know it. It was a very _Behind the Music_ moment.

I almost felt sorry for Edward when I saw him. Almost.

He sat on the cement ground, his legs bent at the knees, his head in his hands. He looked up, inhaling sharply when he caught a hint of my smell. His eyes narrowed, and he pressed his lips together in a thin, disapproving line. Whatever bothered him, I couldn't begin to guess.

When the cop left us, I waited for Edward to say something. He didn't. He looked so utterly pathetic sitting there, his hair disheveled from constantly raking his fingers through it. Even his clothes were a little wrinkled. And yet he still managed to look absolutely edible. It was mind-boggling.

"Hey there, big guy," I said, kneeling down to his level with my hands on the bars. "So. In the big house, huh? Got the shake-down? Gonna ride the train all the way to cooking school? Lucky you called me. See, I know a guy who knows a guy whose third cousin's baby daddy can help you score a shank and a few reefers. I'm talkin real currency if you know what I'm sayin. You know what I'm sayin?"

Edward glared at me. "You smell of wet dog."

My grin almost split my face. I reached out to take one of his hands in mine, squeezing it reassuringly. "Jake was out front, but nevermind that," I said, wanting him to steer clear of the subject of Jacob for obvious reasons. "Are you okay?"

He rolled his eyes, crossing his arms tightly over his chest as he looked elsewhere. "Fine."

"Oh, don't be so grumpy. At least Charlie let me come and check on you. I got around the being grounded thing at least for tonight. That was a miracle in and of itself."

"Charlie's making me stay here overnight."

"Well. That's not so bad, is it?" I asked, trying to soothe him. "One night is nothing. It's already starting to get dark outside. You'll be out before you know it. Do you want me to call your family for you? They must be worried."

"They already know. Alice told them. I can hear them in my head, _laughing_. They'll visit later tonight."

I bit my lower lip. I was going to have to give Alice a call so we could exchange a few chuckles at Edward's expense. Now there was something to look forward to. And here I thought the evening would be boring.

"Edward, what were you thinking?" I scolded gently. "I had no idea all that stuff was wrong with your registration and license. You could be in so much more trouble than you're in right now. Charlie said you won't be able to get a real license for a long time. Your driving privileges are revoked."

"That ... I might have a bit of difficulty accepting."

I groaned. "You're not going to still drive around, are you? Edward, please. You don't need to get in any more trouble than you're already in."

"Built-in radar, remember?"

"Yes, because that worked out for you _so well_ the first time," I deadpanned. "Promise me. No driving!"

Edward swore under his breath.

I blinked in surprised. "You kiss your mother with that mouth?" I said, disapproving.

He thought about it for a moment. "I really can't recall."

"I was being facetious."

"Oh. Well, you should work on your delivery. There's a certain rhythm you have to maintain."

"Promise me, Edward. _No driving_."

He sighed. "I'll refrain unless it's absolutely necessary. I can ride with one of my family until then. Or with you. Though on second thought, your sluggish pace will probably drive me _mad_. I would rather run everywhere than resort to that."

I reached through the bars to cup his icy, smooth cheek in my hand. He looked up at me, his expression too sullen and pitiable to continue with my teasing. "Hey. Cheer up, okay? Charlie said I could stay for half an hour. That's more than they usually allow here. That's something, isn't it? Want me to get the cop behind the front desk to let me in the cell? He likes me, and his wife works at the hospital with Carlisle. I bet he would make an exception for us."

Edward nodded wordlessly.

The cop did let me in. He knew me well enough to know I wouldn't cause any trouble. And Edward was a model citizen except for this little incident. No one had expected to ever see one of the Cullens in a cell. Well ... except for maybe Charlie.

I melted down into Edward's lap, and he cradled me close like a child. Both of us were instantly free of tension. "Bella?" he asked quietly, his mouth pressed against my hair. "Thanks for coming."

I rubbed my face against his neck, reveling in his scent that I had been deprived of for far too long. "Thanks for calling me."

We sat and listened to the rain.

* * *

To be continued.

**Author's Note:** Written in honor of California's new hands-free law ... because some people need to get off their freaking phones and just DRIVE already. GAH. ahem Hope you enjoyed.


	2. Chapter 2, 3, & 4

**The Small Print  
**Written by Coquette

**Part Two**

Edward was sentenced to one hundred hours of community service to be completed in no less than two months. There were limited options in a small town like Forks. There was roadside cleanup, of course, because any town that sported a fast food restaurant or a gas station required trash removal now and again. The town library was small and flush with volunteers; no work to be done there. There was always the nursing home and the preschool, but Edward had looked at me like I'd grown a second head when I suggested those.

He chose the roadside cleanup. No surprise there.

I drove him to his first day, adamant that he obey Charlie and not drive until he was allowed to. Besides, it was a wonderful way to get out of my grounding sentence, if only for twenty minutes at a time. Even Charlie wasn't hard-hearted enough to make Edward walk everywhere in the rain – at least not at first, anyway. It had taken some convincing to get Charlie to let me out of the house with Edward at all. A few little fibs about his siblings being unable to provide a ride. I wanted Edward all to myself, even if it was just for a little while. After so many months without him, I hated to be separated from him for even a second. Pathetic, I know, but there it was all the same.

I kept my truck's speed at thirty-five miles per hour in a forty-five zone. Edward looked like he was going to come unglued, so of course, I slowed down a bit more. "You know, that color looks very nice on you," I said with a bright smile.

Edward was sitting with his arms crossed over his chest, trying to cover up the neon-orange reflective service vest that cleanup workers were required to wear. "Bella? Don't."

"No, really. It does wonders for your complexion. Not to mention how well it brings out your eyes. Very avant-gard."

"You're loving every second of this, aren't you?"

"Yes. But only because I love _you_."

He glanced over at me, and I instantly recognized the look. I'd seen it quite a bit lately and never could really figure out what he was thinking. "What? Do I have something on my face?"

His eyes narrowed. "It's ... nothing."

Well, that certainly didn't pique my interest at all. "Tell me."

His arms tightened even more across his chest as he looked away. "You're doing it again," he muttered disapprovingly.

"Doing what?"

"Trying too hard."

I laughed. At first. Then my smile faded. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Ever since I came back to Forks..." He trailed off and sighed, as if frustrated with himself – or perhaps with me. "...It's like you're constantly trying to capture my attention with something. Captivate me. Make me laugh. Your wit or your body language, always firing, zeroing in on me. Your looks and clothing, too. And you do look nice today, Bella. But you need to know that it's just unnecessary. You already have my attention. How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not going to leave you again before you believe me?"

Frowning deeply at the road in front of me, I slowed my truck to a stop just outside of the place Edward was supposed to meet his community service officer at to get his assignment. There were no other cars there, which meant he was the first to arrive. Perhaps he was the only one scheduled to arrive at all. After all, Forks wasn't exactly a den of criminals.

Though the ride was over, I didn't want to look at Edward. I suddenly felt self-conscious in the skirt I was wearing. I never wore skirts, but _he_ liked them. And Edward loved me in blue, which was the reason I'd chosen the shirt. I'd been wearing a lot of blue lately without even really registering why I was doing so. My cheeks burned. "I don't know what you're talking about," I muttered, feeling very pathetic at that moment. "I dress nicely because I like to look nice. That's it."

"Bella..." He leaned over, putting his face very close to mine, though I still wouldn't look at him. "I'm not. Going. Anywhere."

I was too irritated to really accept what he was saying. "So wait ... I've been looking _too good_ lately? What guy says that? I can stop showering if it would make you happy."

He raised an eyebrow. "Unless you've been around a _dog_, Bella, you've always smelled quite nice. You know how your scent sings to me. And when you don't shower, it's only concentrated." His fingertips brushed the spot on my neck just behind my ear at the hairline. I shivered. "Right here especially," he murmured, his breath stirring my hair. "I'd prefer you never shower, in fact."

I turned to stare at him, utterly transfixed. "That ... is possibly the most disgusting thing you've ever said to me."

He kissed me, quick and hard, as if annoyed with me. Or perhaps just to prove something. "Bella," he breathed, looking up at me from under thick lashes. "I want it to stop."

"The showering? Because ew."

"The worrying."

"I'm _trying_. It's hard sometimes. You always think you know what's best for me, usually without even consulting me on the subject. I feel like any day you could change your mind and leave again."

"If you could read my thoughts right now, you would trust me implicitly. And there's the real problem, isn't it? You don't trust me anymore."

"That's not true!"

"I've broken you."

"I'm not a toy, Edward. And you didn't break me. I wouldn't be here if I'd really broken."

Edward didn't like that at all, probably reminded of my interest in "extreme sports" while we had been separated ... or perhaps Victoria's return, which he had been absent for. I really _could_ have been broken when all that was happening. His gaze was haunted as he turned his face away from me. He sat there for a minute in silence, shaking his head back and forth pensively. I watched, wondering if I should make another joke about his orange vest to break the silence. I hated it when he started punishing himself, putting too much responsibility on his shoulders.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked instead, unable to read his expression.

His jaw tensed. "I was wishing that I could be a normal teenager for you, Bella. Human. Weak. Grounded. Ever perspiring."

I made a face. "Ew."

"I could hold you as tight as I wanted to if I were a human," he continued, ignoring me. His eyes had gone wistful as he thought about it. "If I had been human in the first place, I never would have been driven to leave you out of fear. You would therefore trust me more, and we wouldn't even be having this conversation. And I certainly would trust myself with you more."

"Well ... since that's not going to happen, you could always just turn me into a vampire. All those problems would be solved. Instantly."

He glowered at me, torn from his thoughts. "Not until you agree to marry me."

I glowered right back. "Hmph. I think your community service officer is here." I pointed to the car that had just rolled up behind us. "You should probably go."

"Fine, Bella. I get your point. Not a subject you care for." With a final sigh, Edward dropped a kiss on my forehead, his hand on the door handle. "I love you," he whispered before he slipped out, his breath mingling with mine.

Another little shiver ran through me, despite my annoyance. I needed to hear him say that a lot lately. "I love you, too, Edward. Call me when you're done, and I'll pick you up. This is going to take all day, right? And the rest of the week? You'll have your hours done in no time."

* * *

Edward cleaned the entire Forks roadway system in just under two hours.

"Now what am I supposed to do?" he fumed to me later that night after Charlie had gone to sleep. We were lying on my bed together as I picked leaves out of his tangled hair. "Ninety-eight hours to go! Can you please make some calls and ask people to litter tomorrow? I am not going to work at the damn preschool."

"Hmmm," I said, thinking. "Charlie was telling me earlier that there are a lot of community service opportunities in the surrounding community. You know all those tiny little houses here and there? The people who live off all by themselves in the middle of the woods? Some of them are elderly or disabled. They can't do things for themselves like mow their lawn or trim dead tree branches away from their houses. Does that sound like something that might interest you?"

Edward took a moment to consider it. "As long as I don't have to commune with children, I don't see why not."

"What do you have against kids anyway?"

"Nothing," he said, but his shoulders were tense. "They just ... smell funny."

"Funny, as in ... grrr, I want to eat them? Or funny, as in ... wow, I didn't know something that small could produce something so foul in their diaper? Talk about roadside cleanup."

"Maybe a little of both." He glanced at me sideways when my mouth fell open. "Oh, don't look at me like that. You know I would never harm a child or anyone else for that matter. I resisted you, didn't I? And you're the most tempting thing I've ever encountered. But ... now you've got me curious, Bella. What about you? Do you like children?"

"Me?" I laughed. "Um. No. Big no."

"No surprise there. Ever the anti-female, you are. Why not?"

"Well, I mean, they're cute and all. I don't have a problem with them, per say. I just don't want to have children of my own. Not for a long, long time anyway. Maybe when I'm fifty and on the verge of menopause." I bit my lip. _If I ever reach fifty, that is_, I said silently to myself. I hoped to be a vampire long before then.

"Why?"

"I don't know. Because I'm not ready for a huge step like that, I guess. If you think marriage is bad, try having some little kid attached to your hip at all times."

"But I don't think marriage is bad. That would be you."

"It doesn't matter, though, does it? We can't ever have children because you're not a human."

"You say that like it's a good thing."

"That's because it _is_ a good thing."

"You really wouldn't prefer having a human boyfriend?"

I scoffed incredulously. "Someone like Mike Newton? No thanks."

Edward stared at me, and I had trouble interpreting his expressionless face. "I can't help but feel like I'm causing you to miss out on things normal people get to experience," he murmured.

I reached up to touch his cheek, tracing my fingertips from his hairline down to his jaw. "Edward, can't you see how happy I am?" I asked, running a finger over his bottom lip. I smiled for good measure, hoping to convince him.

His eyes narrowed at me, as if he could see something in my face that I was unaware of. "I wish you could see yourself, Bella. Or see yourself the way I see you. You've changed so very much since that day I left you in the forest. I can't stand it."

My smile faded. I hated it when he started talking about this.

"Did you eat dinner tonight?" he asked, making the question sound accusing somehow.

"Yes," I answered defensively.

"All of it?"

I cringed. "Charlie cooked. And since he's the antithesis of Bobby Flay, that would mean no – I didn't finish it."

Edward's eyes were threatening to burn holes into my own. "Do you have any idea how thin you are, Bella?"

His question was again accusing, and I felt a surge of anger. "Just what are you implying? I'm not anorexic, Edward. I just don't have the same appetite I used to have before..."

..._we split up_, I finished silently. The thought made me wince inside. I felt more pathetic than ever. Maybe Edward wasn't full of it, after all. Maybe I didn't realize how different I was from the Bella he'd left in that forest. He would know. He'd only seen the Before and After. He didn't watch me plummet into darkness, then slowly but surely improve. I was downright radiant compared to what I had been. And here I thought I was doing great.

Edward sat up in the bed quickly, supporting himself with his arms on either side of my head. He stared down at me intensely, looking angry. "You have shadows under your eyes. All the time."

"So do you."

"Mine are there for a different reason. Yours are there because you have nightmares every night. I'm the one who gets to listen to them."

"Look, Edward. I'm sorry that our breakup hit me hard. I'm sorry if that angers you. But I'm trying. Trying really hard to be normal again."

It was his turn to wince. "I know you are. I just hate watching it is all. It's not you I'm angry with, but rather myself. I just wish everything could have been different. I never meant to damage you so."

"I'm not _damaged_, Edward," I hissed, turning away from him in a huff. I pulled the covers tightly over my head.

He pulled the covers right back again, and I craned my head around to glare at him. He didn't say anything else, which was a good thing. He could probably see how angry and embarrassed he was making me. Pushing my hair back from my face, he bent his head down to kiss me. It was light at first, measured and careful, but it soon turned possessive. Persuasive. As if he was trying to tell me, _Do you feel how much I want you, Bella? Stop being so absurd._ I could almost hear his voice in my head as I kissed him back.

It went on like that for a while, and that suited me just fine. Much better than arguing. But when he groaned against my mouth, I recognized the signs. He was getting too into the kiss and was about to pull away from me. He always kept a firm boundary there, one of the many ways he tried to control himself around me.

Stupid vampire. Always spoiling my fun.

As I lay there in his arms, kissing him while I still had time, I couldn't help but wonder at the words he'd said earlier. What if Edward _were_ human?

It would be so very different that way. He wouldn't hold me quite so carefully, I don't think, with his hands always on my face or shoulders instead of on my body, always restraining the passion behind his kisses, afraid he might hurt me with the sheer magnitude of it. If Edward were human, his lips would be warm against mine instead of ice cold. He would smell different. Feel different under my fingers. His hands might move to unbutton my shirt instead of skimming along my face like I was a porcelain doll. If he were human, we might even have taken our relationship to the next level by now. I had already indicated I was open to that, but he didn't even consider sex a remote possibility for us.

Did I want that? For Edward to be so utterly different? If I was honest with myself, I had to admit that our lives would be much simpler. But would he still be my Edward? Was it the vampire in him that I loved or just Edward himself? Or were the two already so jumbled together in my mind, so inseparable, that there was no distinction? Would he even feel the same way about me if he wasn't a vampire and instinctually attracted to my scent? I had no idea.

Painfully predictable, Edward broke off the kiss before it became too passionate. Still nose to nose, he looked rather smugly at me, as if he'd just taught me a lesson.

I stared up at him, panting, a breathless mess. "Looks like I'm not the only one who's trying too hard to make things right again."

"Is that a bad thing?" he said, his lips a whisper against my own.

Instead of replying, I only slid my arms around his cool neck and pulled him down to my mouth again. Too many thoughts. Vampire or not, I only wanted Edward.

* * *

**Part Three**

"Bye, Charlie!" I called up the stairs. I snatched a piece of toast out of the toaster and reached for the jelly. I was running late, so breakfast was on the go today. "I'm taking Edward to his community service assignment. It's a bit of a drive out there. I should be back in an hour. I'll meet you at the station, okay?"

"Hmph," was the grunt that came in reply. I heard the bathroom door shut, and the shower turn on.

Another precious hour, free from being grounded. Edward needed to get arrested more often.

Holding my toast between my teeth, I shrugged a jacket on and grabbed my keys. There beside the phone was a little piece of paper with names and addresses written on it. I had called our community outreach center earlier that morning and gotten the information of people outside of Forks that needed assistance. If Edward refrained from using his vampiric speed in providing that assistance, he might just be able to squeeze in the rest of his hours.

There were more tiny houses out in the middle of the woods than I thought – many of them decrepit, falling down in disrepair while their inhabitants slowly aged inside. How lonely they must be, I thought. Maybe helping those people out would help Edward feel a little better about himself, too. The self-flagellation was getting annoying, especially since he was involving me in it.

Edward was standing outside, waiting for me beside my truck. His eyes narrowed meaningfully at the piece of toast I held in my hand.

I glared at him – still irritated from our conversation about my weight the previous night – and crammed the entire piece of toast in my mouth. "Did you see that?" I mumbled through the mouthful. "I just shoved a who' pief of toast in my mouf. Boy, I su' do _love to eat_."

"I'm comforted already," he said dryly. "Did you get the addresses?"

I handed him the piece of paper, trying to swallow without choking. "There's a lot of them. Take your pick."

Edward scanned the list, and after a moment, he tapped his finger on one of the addresses. "Well, that's interesting."

"What?"

"This address here. It's out in the middle of nowhere about thirty or forty miles east. A goat farm. They have a well and everything. No electricity."

"How do you know? Have you been there?"

Edward shook his head. "No, but Emmett and Jasper have told me about it. They went hunting in that area once. Like I said, goat farm. They said something about the place was strange. The old man that lived there came out and chased them away, though they hadn't made any noise that would have indicated they were there." Edward sniggered, his face melting into a huge grin. "Emmett said the man tried to cast a spell on them, but they were too fast and managed to get away. I teased him about that for months."

"A spell?" I asked, snickering right along with him. "Like a witch or wizard of something? Oh, come on, Edward."

He glanced over at me, eyebrows raised. "You don't believe in magic?"

"Pffft. _No_."

"And yet you believe in vampires and werewolves."

"Only because I've seen them with my own eyes. Just call me Agent Scully."

Edward smiled and shrugged. "I don't believe in it either, for much the same reason. I've never seen any evidence of it. But now I'm curious what frightened Emmett and Jasper away. Take me there, to that house first. I need to meet this character face to face. I've been teased relentlessly since my arrest. Having something to throw right back at them would be nice."

I frowned up at him uncertainly. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

Edward grinned at me, mischief shining in his eyes. "You're not afraid, are you?"

"Of an old man with goats? Yes. Trembling in my boots." The sarcasm was thick.

"Then let's go, Scully."

* * *

We drove and drove, far outside the borders of Forks. I was a little peeved with Edward. There were houses much closer to us that we could have gone to. We took a winding dirt road along a river bank, up a steep hill, and eventually came to a lovely but overgrown spot in the woods.

There, behind two large pens of goats, stood the saddest little house I've ever seen. It had once been white, but mildew and the weather had gotten to it. The fence around the goat pen was in serious disrepair, but the goats inside just chewed and bleated at each other, seemingly unconcerned with the obvious escape routes all around them. Perhaps they were happy there.

Edward whistled under his breath. "This place really needs some help, doesn't it? I should have brought some paint instead of just tools and lawn equipment. Tomorrow perhaps."

"It's pretty sad, all right," I agreed. "I'll come with you to the door. I was the one that called the outreach center, so it might be me he's expecting. Not you. His name is Larry, by the way. Larry Waxman."

Edward hung back, inspecting a hole in the fence while I trudged through thick weeds toward the front door. It wasn't creepy at all the way Emmett and Jasper had claimed. Just heartbreaking. Stepping carefully over an overgrown herb garden, I reached the porch, wrinkling my nose at the dirt and weeds that had split through the broken concrete.

The door opened before I could knock, and there behind a tattered screen door stood the most curious person I've ever met.

"Hello, Isabella Swan," he said before I could even open my mouth. The voice was nasal but polite. He smiled at me toothlessly.

I stared at Mr. Larry Waxman, dubious. The reason for the condition of the house was obvious. One of his legs had been amputated below the knee, and the hand that clutched a cane to support himself was missing several fingers. But that wasn't what made him so peculiar to me. He looked like he'd been locked up for his entire life, probably around sixty years of life from the looks of it, with nothing but a collection of old Star Trek re-runs. The word _nerd_ came to mind, but it was much, much worse than that. This was an _eccentric nerd_. Thick glasses, low on his nose, which was crowned with an overabundance of nose hair. Stringy, tangled white hair reached far past his scraggly salt-and-pepper beard. He wore dirty jeans and a flannel shirt with a _Frodo Lives_ t-shirt underneath.

A warlock, indeed.

Emmett and Jasper were never going to hear the end of this – from Edward _or_ me. I could see Edward out of the corner of my eye, his mouth curled into a tight smile. He was trying not to laugh, the wheels in his head spinning, probably working out the best insult possible to aim at his brothers.

"H-hi, Mr. Waxman. How do you know my name?" I asked him. "Oh, I guess the people at the community outreach center called you and said we were coming, huh? I'm not staying, though. Just my friend over there."

Larry squinted in the direction I pointed with his hand over his eyes like a meerkat. I wasn't convinced he could see past the edge of the porch. "Oh,_ my_..." he murmured, seemingly awestruck when he caught sight of Edward. "That's no moon."

I turned and looked behind me. "Um. No. That's Edward."

"It's ... a _space station_," he finished breathlessly, wide-eyed as he stared at my boyfriend. "Here to help me? Really? Or here for something else?" He blinked down at me, his eyes huge behind his thick glasses. "He belongs to you, my dear? But _you're no Jedi_."

Ooo-kay. A George Lucas fan, then. Not Star Trek at all. My mistake.

"Yes, he uh ... belongs to me. Sure. He's going to help you here today with your lawn and fence. Is there anything else he can do? Maybe inside the house? He needs a lot of hours, so don't be afraid to ask him."

The man's face brightened. "I have a cat."

"That's ... really nice, Mr. Waxman. Do you, uh, need Edward's help with the cat?"

He thought about it for a moment. "No. Thank you."

I could only stare at him blankly. Just ... _wow_.

"Well, let Edward know if you think of something else for him to do. He's really quite friendly."

"Is that so? Yes, I can tell just by looking at him. The force is strong with him. Absolutely amazing!" He suddenly looked delighted. "Tell him he may have one of my goats. And if he does a good job with the fence, I'll have something else to reward him with. I'll just go inside and brew it up now. A trifle really. He'll feel like a new man. You just wait and see how quickly!"

"Oh. Well, that's very nice of you." I _really_ didn't want to ask what Mr. Waxman was intending to make for Edward. Probably bantha fodder or something. "I should be going now. My dad – _the police chief – _is expecting me." Couldn't hurt to let him know I knew someone that owned a gun. Just in case.

"Goodbye, Isabella Swan! Thank you for bringing him by. I must say, I'm quite taken aback by the both of you."

The feeling was mutual. I smiled and nodded, then turned to walk back toward Edward. He had already taken the lawn equipment and tools out of my truck and had started picking up broken fence boards from the ground, stacking them into a pile.

"This place is a mess," he murmured. "I might be here a while."

I nodded my chin back toward the house. "Ben Kenobi over there says you can have a goat. So if you're feeling peckish after all the work, problem solved. Though I don't think he meant to eat it."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"You're going to give Emmett and Jasper hell over this, aren't you?"

"Oh my, yes."

"Can I join in?"

"I would think less of you if you didn't."

Grinning, I leaned up to accept his goodbye kiss. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that Larry was still standing in the doorway, his mouth ajar as he watched us. When we parted, he smiled and broke out into astonished applause.

Edward knitted his brow, a cautious expression on his face. "Strange," he murmured to me. "I get the feeling that he knows exactly what I am, though he hardly seems bothered by it. He's blocking my thoughts, you know. I can't read his mind."

I glanced back, only to find that Larry had gone back inside. He was watching us now from the window through an enormous pair of binoculars.

"I think that might be because there's not much going on in his head to begin with," I whispered back.

"Hmmm. If you say so."

I leaned up to kiss him again, unable to keep from smiling when his lips touched mine. "Be nice to him," I said before I left. "He's old and confused. I'll pick you up in a few hours. Call me when you're done, okay? If I'm not at home, I'll be at the station with Charlie, helping him with his paperwork."

* * *

It was a bumpy and lonely ride back to Forks. Not to mention a long one.

I took a wrong turn and got lost, driving around for over an hour before I found the right road again. It had started to rain, which slowed me down even more. I shook my head, angry at myself. Charlie was going to kill me. I was supposed to meet him an hour ago, and I was going to be even later than that.

My truck worried me. It was making a strange buzzing sound on the way. Again and again at random intervals, hard to pinpoint because of all the road noise. I was going to have to get Charlie or Edward to look at it. I doubted Jacob would even consider it. What was that sound anyway? It sounded almost like ... a cell phone on vibrate, but muted somehow. But I didn't have one with me, and Edward had his. Unless...

I dug into the crease between the cushions of the seat. Sure enough, my hand closed over something wedged in there, forgotten. I recognized it instantly, all sleek, black, and intimidatingly complicated. Edward's cell phone. It had probably slipped out of his jacket pocket on the bumpy road out of town. I recognized the picture that smiled back at me, lit up on the screen of the phone. Alice was calling.

I answered it. Edward wouldn't mind, I was sure. "Hey, Alice. It's Bella."

"Bella..." she said, a strange tone in her voice. "Why are you answering Edward's phone? I've been trying to call for over an hour."

"He left his phone in my truck. It was on vibrate, and I didn't know what the buzzing was."

A long pause. "You're not with him?"

"No."

"Do you know where he went?" she asked quickly. "It's important, Bella."

I frowned. Why did she sound so panicked? That couldn't be good. "He's doing his community service, Alice. You know that. He ran out of things to do in town, so he's been visiting the smaller communities in the area."

"But you don't know exactly where he went?"

"I just dropped him off. I have the address, if you want it."

"Yes. I do. Though I think I'm too late to do anything about it. Oh, Edward, you idiot. You never have your cell phone on you when it really matters, do you? It's like Italy all over again. At least this time, he didn't purposely throw it in a trash can."

That scared me. "Is he in some kind of danger? What do you see, Alice? Is he hurt?" My voice grew more alarmed with each word.

"No, nothing like that, Bella," she assured me. "Edward will be ... fine." She said the word like she couldn't think of a better one. "I really should be going now. May I have that address? I'm going to pick him up right now."

I gave it to her. "You'll call me back?"

"If I can. Just relax, Bella. He'll be fine."

But there was doubt in her voice. I really hated being lied to by vampires who thought they knew what was best for me. It was starting to become a way of life.

* * *

**Part Four**

Once I finally managed to find my way back to Forks, I met Charlie at the police station to help him finish his paperwork. It was my punishment for being allowed out of the house to drive Edward around, and I was in even deeper now that I had run so late after getting lost.

I was uneasy, worried about the phone call with Alice, but there was nothing I could do about it. I could turn around and head right back up to that old house, but with the way Alice drove, they were likely to be gone already. Alice would know what was best. I had to trust in that. But I worked in Charlie's office quickly, inattentively, fretting and wondering if I could maybe take the paperwork home to work on – just in case Alice or Edward showed up there while I was gone.

Charlie watched me carefully as I tried to sort through a stack of mangled, coffee-ringed papers. I'm sure it was quite evident that I was tense.

"That boyfriend of yours behaving himself?" asked Charlie.

I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of his voice. Me, uptight? No, not at all. "Yes, Dad," I replied after I calmed myself enough to speak. "He's not driving."

"Hmph. You know I could have had the book thrown at him, Bell. They wanted to try him as an adult. You ought to be thanking me he only got community service."

I rolled my eyes. I could feel one of Charlie's famous Edward-lectures coming on. Similar to the way a sore throat signaled the onset of a cold ... or something a lot worse, like the Spanish Influenza. "Thank you, Chief Swan."

Edward-lecture in three, two...

"You really love that boy that much?" asked Charlie, true to form. "To take him back after everything he did to you?"

"Yes," I sighed. "I do."

"Cause that was a pretty rotten thing to do. To just leave you hanging like that for all those months."

Kneeling on the ground, I dropped a stack of papers in a box with a little more force than necessary. Dust flew in my face. "If you knew how hard he was trying to make it up to me, you might think better of him. I wish you would give him a chance."

"Jacob Black wouldn't have done that to you."

"Jacob Black is barely speaking to me," I said, interrupting him before he could say more. "You want to talk about someone leaving me hanging? I did nothing to him to deserve that!"

But even as I said it, guilt gnawed at my insides. Nothing except break his heart and his trust in me, that is.

Charlie had his arms crossed over his chest. "Try looking at it from his perspective. I think he had a little crush on you, and here Edward comes back and chases him away. Jacob doesn't think Edward is good for you either, you know."

"Yes, I guess you and Jacob are hanging out a lot these days, huh?" I said, not bothering to hide my aggravation. "That's just great, Dad. But just so you know, Edward didn't chase Jacob away. He left on his own accord. And there's no contest there between them. Jacob is my friend, or he used to be anyway. I just can't think of him as more than that."

"Jacob is a better match for you, Bella," said Charlie, leaning forward in his chair. "He's ... oh, what's the word? _Warmer_ than that Edward. Friendlier. Less reckless with you."

"Less reckless?" I scoffed. "You _do_ remember the motorcycle and the cliff-diving, don't you? Edward treats me like I'm made of glass."

The color of Charlie's face shifted to something that resembled a ripe plum. The topic of motorcycles was a bit of a no-no around him. "Hmph," he grunted, not wanting to admit that I had just made a darn good argument against Jacob. "So how serious are you two anyway?"

I shrugged. "Serious."

"We talking marriage or what?"

"Ugh!" I cried, dropping another pile of papers into the box, this time without meaning to. I missed, and the pages scattered all over the place.

"I have a right to know, Bella. I'm your father."

"No marriage!"

Charlie's jaw tightened, but he looked slightly appeased. "Well, good. You're too young."

"That's exactly what I told him."

It was the wrong thing to say. Charlie's eyes widened. "Edward ... proposed to you?"

"Um..." I stooped to the floor to avoid answering the question, keeping my eyes averted as I started scooping up the fallen papers.

My hesitance answered his question just as plainly as if I had voiced it. I thought the vein on his forehead might pop. "You said no, right?"

"Obviously," was my heated answer.

Charlie's eyes cleared, and he beamed at me, delighted. The vein on his forehead relaxed and turned a more nature shade. "That's my girl."

"Oh, Dad, just stop it," I muttered, gathering the last of the fallen pages into a messy stack. It was difficult work because my hands were shaking. Even distracted by Charlie, my thoughts were still on Alice and Edward. I felt sick with nerves, deep in the pit of my stomach. Closing my eyes, I tried to rub some of the tension out of the back of my neck and just relax. It didn't work.

"Well, I can't help it if I want my little girl safe," said Charlie begrudgingly. "Hey ... what's wrong with you today anyway? You look like you've got ants in your pants."

"I hate that saying," I grumbled. "What does it even mean?"

"It means you won't sit still. You look like you're about to bolt for the door. You wanna tell your old man what's going on?"

Yes. I did want to tell him. But that might not be the best idea. Hand still rubbing at the knot in my neck, I sat down on the floor next to the box of papers and weighed my options.

Option one: tell Charlie the truth about what was happening with Edward and Alice. And then, because he was Charlie, he would tell me to suck it up and finish my work and remind me exactly what it meant to be grounded. Option two: I could pretend to be sick and ask to go home. Whereupon Charlie wouldn't believe me because he wasn't stupid, and then there would be more grounding because I had lied. Option three: I could just make a run for the door. But call me crazy ... that _might_ look a little suspicious. Again, cause for another grounding.

"Charlie," I said, eyes on the floor as I pondered. He had to know I was being serious now. I was using his first name. "I think I need to go home. Now. I can take this paperwork with me to organize there if you want me to."

Charlie's face was devoid of expression. "I would have thought you would have liked to be out of the house. You've still got a ways to go with that grounding sentence of yours," he reminded me, but there was no heat behind his words. I could tell he was concerned, but he wasn't convinced yet.

I suddenly remembered something that might make him understand the urgency burning in my chest. "Dad, do you remember when I was little and had that high fever? When I was in Forks, visiting you that one summer?"

He nodded, chewing on the end of a pen cap. "You were six years old. Your temperature was one-hundred and five by the time I got you to the emergency room. They said I got you there right in time. Any later and it might have done some real damage to you."

"But do you remember the rest? You said you woke up in the middle of the night and just knew somehow that something was wrong with me. That I was sick and needed you."

"Well, sure, Bell. When you're a parent, you'll understand the feeling."

"I already understand it." I stared at him, trying to make him understand. "Dad, something's wrong. I don't know how I know. I just do. _I need to go home right now._"

Charlie gazed right back at me for several long moments, chewing on that pen cap, weighing my words. Perhaps it was the story I'd chosen, or perhaps it was the look on my face, but he took his feet off of his desk and stood up. "I'll get my keys," he said, giving me a little nod.

"Why your keys and not mine?" I asked, already shrugging into my jacket to leave. "I have my truck here."

"Because I'm driving you."

* * *

Alice's car was parked outside of our house when we pulled up in Charlie's police cruiser.

"Now, Bella, just wait! Not until I stop the car completely!"

But I was free of my seatbelt and out of the car before it came to a complete stop. Behind me, Charlie growled and put the car in park while it was still inching up the driveway. It screeched to a halt. He cut the engine and got out in a rush, trying to catch up with me.

"You slow down, and wait for me," I heard him call out behind me. "I'm serious, Bella!"

But I was already at the porch, trying the door handle. It was unlocked. Inside, I heard a crash upstairs, as if someone clumsy had tripped over something or had fallen. I froze. That certainly didn't sound like Edward or Alice up there. No vampire made noises like that. They didn't trip or stumble.

Maybe it was because I was the police chief's daughter, or maybe it was because of my run-ins with characters like James or Victoria, but I instinctively reached for the closest weapon. Perhaps not the most effective one – it was a lamp – but if it wasn't something supernatural up there, I might actually be able to do some damage with it.

Alice appeared before my vision so suddenly that I had to stifle a scream. "Bella! Where have you been?" she hissed.

"I was..."

"Never mind that!" she said, cutting me off before I could answer her question. "I need your help. Edward needs to stay here with you. I can't bring him back to the house like this." Her eyes shifted to the doorway, quick like a cat's. "Oh. Hello, Chief Swan. Sorry to barge in like this. It's sort of an emergency."

Charlie had stumbled into the house behind me. "Alice," he said in a clipped tone. He still liked Alice, but there was a bit of anger there. After all, she had been the one who had taken me away without warning for three days to find Edward, which had led to my grounding in the first place. "I'm sorry, but it's not Bella's visiting hours right now. She's still grounded, you know. You and your brother need to go home."

"What's wrong with him?" I asked her pleadingly, ignoring my father.

"He's sick, Bella!" said Alice, and the expression on her face terrified me. It reminded me of when she'd foreseen Edward make the decision to go to the Volturi. "I don't know how, but he's sick! I left him in your room. I need to go find Carlisle. He and Esme are out hunting and aren't answering their phones. Can you watch over him until I get back? I'll try to get word to Emmett and Rosalie so that they can come help you. Listen to me, Bella – don't let Jasper anywhere near Edward, okay? That's very important."

"S-sure."

"Now wait just a second..." started Charlie.

"I'm sorry, Chief Swan!" Alice turned urgent eyes on me and said, as if trying to tell me something, "_I really can't take him home like this_. I'll explain later."

I didn't catch her meaning, and the doubt left me trembling.

Alice left without another word, moving a little faster than she should have under Charlie's watchful gaze. He and I stared at the front door as it slammed, stunned. My heart pounded in my throat. Upstairs, I distinctly heard the sound of Edward crying out in pain. It was a choked scream. Something hit the floor with a crash.

Charlie heard it, too. He pushed me back behind his body protectively. "What the hell? Is that Edward? Bella, stay here."

"Like hell!" I gasped back at him. I thundered up the stairs right on Charlie's heels, pushing at his back, urging him to move faster. I'm not sure how, but I already knew what I was going to find. And sure enough...

Edward was writhing on my bedroom floor, his face twisted in an expression of pure agony.

He wasn't crying out anymore. I think the pain must have gone beyond that.

Charlie swore loudly and rushed to Edward's side to help. And me? I could only just stand there in the doorway with that stupid lamp still in my hands, wide-eyed and horror stuck.

It reminded me so much of Italy – when Jane had taken hold of Edward with her cruel, torturous gaze – that I looked around to see if she was there in my bedroom somewhere, hidden with her crimson eyes shining with pitiless indifference. But we were alone.

"Edward?" asked Charlie, gripping him by the shoulders. "Edward! Look at me, boy! Can you tell me what's wrong?"

There was no answer. Edward had stopped writhing and had become eerily still in Charlie's arms. How strange he looked. Like a ragdoll, limp and lifeless. Lashes dark against his white cheek. His skin was paler than normal, yet flushed somehow, covered in beads of sweat. But that wasn't right. I had to be seeing things.

Charlie pried one of Edward's closed eyes apart, and swore again when he saw the dilated pupils. "Is he on drugs, Bella?" he asked me urgently. "I need to know!"

Unable to speak, I could only shake my head.

"Are you positive? I think he just had a seizure or a heart attack or something. Call 911, Bella. Now! He's not breathing!"

Charlie started CPR. I wanted to tell him that was just silly ... Edward didn't have a heartbeat. Edward didn't need to breathe. But Edward wasn't moving. I had never seen him unconscious or even asleep because _that wasn't possible_.

Charlie reared on me. "Bella! 911, now!"

"Edward...?" I whispered, slowly feeling myself grow hysterical.

And then Edward gasped and opened his eyes.

He rolled over onto his side, gripping his stomach with a gut-wrenching moan, and started coughing violently. Gasping for air. Clutching at the carpet with pale, shaking hands.

Charlie knelt over him, slapping him on the back. "It's okay, son. I've got you. _Just breathe!_"

Edward's coughs slowed but still he wheezed. His lungs sounded congested, incapable of giving him the oxygen he inexplicably seemed to need at that moment. Sweat dripped from his brow onto the floor. Charlie eased him over gently onto his back, holding the back of his head with one hand and checking his pulse at the neck with the other.

"He's okay, Bella," said Charlie, looking just as scared and shaken as I was. "But we need to get him to the hospital. His heart is about to beat out of his chest."

I didn't budge a millimeter. Standing. Staring. Ready to faint. Edward's eyes slowly peeled apart, bloodshot and dazed, and he looked right at me.

They were a clear, piercing green.

He licked his lips, pale from pain. "Bella?" he whispered, still gasping. His voice sounded strange to me. Still soft and refined, but huskier somehow. Less musical.

The lamp slipped from my fingers and crashed to the floor at my feet. I didn't notice.

Edward wasn't Edward at all.

He was human.

* * *

To be continued.

**Author's Note**: I find it very ironic that I have two stories going at the moment. One where Bella is a vampire, and now one where Edward is a human. It's a bit of a mind-fck. :) I had an eccentric Brent Spiner in my head when I created the character of Larry Waxman. Just in case you're interested.

Something that inspired other issues in this story ... I think that Bella got over the whole Edward-dumping-her thing far too quickly in the novels. I get that she was happy to have him back and completely buy everything that Stephenie Meyer wrote, but I think there was a lot we didn't see that took place between _New Moon_ and _Eclipse_. I plan on exploring that in this story.

Here's why.

_"I'll earn your trust back somehow," he murmured, mostly to himself. "If it's my final act."_

_"I trust you," I assured him. "It's me I don't trust. ... I don't trust myself to be… enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you."_

_"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," he whispered. "Never doubt that."_

_But how could I not?_

- From _**New Moon**_, written by Stephenie Meyer. (Not me!) After Edward and Bella have been reunited at the end of the book. Several lines omitted for brevity's sake.


	3. Chapter 5

**Author's Note**: Back by popular demand. And I might have received a few death threats as well. (Like GOSH, you guys. It's not like it's been a YEAR or anything.)

(...oh wait.)

***

**The Small Print  
**Written by Coquette

**Chapter Five**

Edward was asleep.

It was a sight I'd never expected. Something I'd not thought possible. And now I couldn't help but stare at the impossible, transfixed by the vulnerable angle of Edward's throat and the soft curl of his hand as it rested on the pillow beside his face.

It was the first time I'd understood why Edward enjoyed watching me sleep.

His eyes moved behind the paper thin skin of his eyelids, audience to something in his dreams that I hoped was pleasant. Shadows persisted beneath those eyes, but they were brought about by fatigue rather than thirst. The shadows gave way to cheeks lightly peppered with freckles I didn't recognize – skin every bit as pale as it was when he was a vampire, though stained red at his nose, cheeks, and ears.

Worried that his flushed skin was a sign of fever, I brought my hand to his face to check his temperature. But no – he was only cold, the blood pooling in his face to warm him. Catching hold of the blanket, I pulled it up to his chin and tucked him in, careful not to wake him. I was cold, too, but that mattered little.

Wondering if there was another blanket nearby, I turned to glance around the sparse but clean hospital room. It was a private suite – the finest Forks Community Hospital had to offer. But like all hospital rooms, it lacked the warmth of home, what with the smell of antiseptic and the unforgiving glare from the florescent lights. I hated that Edward had to be in this place.

When my eyes happened to skim past the doorway, I jumped and did a double-take. Carlisle stood there, his clothes wrinkled, his youthful face lined with worry. After staring for so long at Edward's altered appearance, it was almost startling to see a real vampire again. Carlisle looked haggard, overworked, but a great deal calmer than he'd been several hours ago, when Edward had first arrived at the hospital.

Carlisle had all but gone to pieces, then. Tears stung my eyes every time I thought about it.

"His tests?" I asked. My voice was barely audible over the beeps of the medical equipment, one of which sounded out a heartbeat that, for all intents and purposes, shouldn't be there.

"All normal," was Carlisle's equally quiet reply. He looked very small standing there in the doorway, clipboard held loosely at his side.

"Which ones did you administer?"

"Every applicable test I could think of." Carlisle didn't look at me as he spoke. His eyes were only for his son.

I turned to look at Edward as well, wincing at the sight of his right arm, which was cast over his head onto the pillow. He was bruised in places from needles and repeated blood-taking. That was the only reason the rest of his family wasn't here in the room with him: the blood. The smell of it was thick in the hospital. I was barely holding up, myself.

The rest of the family hadn't handled the separation well. Alice had wasted many words on them all, trying to reassure them that Edward was going to be fine, but no one seemed to hear her. Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie had pleaded with Carlisle to let them do _something_, and Carlisle had finally sent them on an errand. So far, no one had disclosed to me what that particular errand was, or why it was so important when Edward was lying in a hospital bed. Even Alice had tagged along with them, though I could tell she saw no point in it.

She'd kissed me on the cheek before she left. "The smell of this place is starting to get to me," she said apologetically. "It's just too potent in areas, and it wouldn't be polite to eat the next person who walks in here in need of stitches. Don't worry, Bella. They'll decide later to bring Edward home tonight, and we can all be together without having to deal with this place."

Esme couldn't be convinced to leave. She had tried to be strong, but every now and then, she'd been forced outside or to a different wing of the hospital. I expected her to return at any minute, regardless of the smell that lingered in the room from Edward's last blood-test (which admittedly, had made my own stomach churn). Just as desperate as her children to do _something_, Esme had given herself the mundane task of finding some chap-stick for Edward in the hospital gift-shop.

Chap-stick.

Edward had chapped lips.

I put a hand over my face, feeling dizzy and overwhelmed.

"Has he woken at all since I was last here?" asked Carlisle.

Edward wasn't unconscious – only asleep – and he'd had his waking moments.

"He stirs every now and then," I replied. "Once, he opened his eyes, and he said something to me that I couldn't make out. But then he fell back asleep before I could ask him what he needed. He just can't seem to keep his eyes open, Carlisle."

"Then it's probably best to allow him to sleep." Carlisle leaned heavily against the door jamb and sighed. "Or at least, we can only hope it is. He hasn't given us much choice in the matter. Bella, please. If there's anything else you can tell me about what happened..."

I shook my head and tugged at the loose threads of the hospital blanket. "I wish I could. I don't know what happened, Carlisle. Or why, or how." I clenched my teeth. "But I think I know who. That man ... Larry Waxman. I know he had something to do with it."

Carlisle's gaze darkened. "After what you and the boys told me, I'm inclined to agree. I'm anxious to speak with him. I feel as though I should have gone with them to retrieve this Waxman character, but I couldn't bring myself to leave Edward here with the other doctors on staff. They can't understand his particular circumstances. They might even try to send him home."

_Oh_, I realized. So that was where Alice and the others had gone. Off to see "the wizard."

Poor Larry Waxman.

He had seemed so nice. Strange, yes, but I'd thought him harmless. Still, I had the nagging suspicion that he had been the one to do this to Edward. I didn't care how nice Larry was. If he had hurt Edward in any way, he was going to have six angry vampires and _me_ to deal with.

"What will they do when they find him?" I asked, not certain I wanted to know.

"I imagine they'll bring him back to the house," said Carlisle. "We'll need to know what he did – if it's permanent, or if it's harmful in anyway."

Permanent.

That was going to take some getting used to.

From the bed, Edward snored once, and his cheeks puffed out as he exhaled.

My face crumpled with emotion. "Oh, God," I said, fanning myself to stop myself from crying. "He snored. _That's just so sweet_."

Carlisle approached the bed, smiling sadly. "The last time I saw him sleep, it was like this. In a hospital bed. Though that time, he was at death's door. I certainly can't find anything wrong with him now. Except for maybe a cavity or two."

"You checked him for cavities?"

"I checked him for everything, Bella. That's my son lying there."

My eyes flitted to the doorway, and I caught sight of Esme's wispy silhouette approaching. Offering me a troubled smile, she slipped her arms around Carlisle's waist and kissed him on the cheek. I looked elsewhere to give them a moment of privacy. They looked like they needed it.

A moment later, Esme leaned over Edward's sleeping form and uncapped a fresh tube of chap-stick. She cupped his cheek like she was handling the thinnest glass imaginable and carefully applied the chap-stick to his lips.

"There now," she cooed, smoothing his hair away from his eyes. "That should feel better."

Edward stirred and rubbed his lips together, spreading the chap-stick around. Appearing pleased, he smiled in his sleep and leaned his face to rest in his mother's open hand.

Esme and I simultaneously melted to pieces.

"Oh, God!" I wailed again, wringing my hands. "_He's smiling in his sleep_."

"Oh, my poor baby," Esme gasped. "Carlisle, I want my son home _now_."

Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose. "Dearest, you know I want nothing more than that, but there are several additional tests that could..."

"No," said Esme, gently but firmly. "He's been through enough. Edward needs his family right now, and we can't be here for him in this place. Please, Carlisle. You've said yourself that there's nothing wrong with him. You've done everything you can for him. No one could have done more. Now let's bring him home."

Carlisle sighed until his shoulders slumped, but he nodded his consent. "I'll start the paperwork for his release. I apologize for keeping him so long. I just wish I knew what _happened_."

"We might have our answer to that soon," said Esme. "I spoke with Alice on the phone a few minutes ago. They found Waxman."

A quiet growl emanated from Carlisle's chest.

My eyes widened in surprise. Poor Larry Waxman, indeed.

"Easy, love," said Esme. "We don't know for certain if he had anything to do with it. Try to keep that in mind. Let's just take one thing at a time – and the first step is getting Edward home."

"Um, Esme? Carlisle?" I asked timidly. "Would it be all right if I came to the house, too?"

The two of them exchanged a glance.

"Do you think there's a chance Waxman could harm Bella?" asked Carlisle.

"No more than any of us," said Esme, looking pointedly at Edward. "I'm sure the children have secured him. And you know Bella would be a comfort to Edward. Let her come, Carlisle."

"He was nice to me earlier," I interjected. "Larry, I mean. I think he liked me. Maybe I could get him to talk. Tell us what he did."

"It's your choice, Bella," said Carlisle. "I seem to have little say with all these opinionated women around me. Not that I mind."

Esme shot me a wink.

"I still have to ask Charlie, though," I said, suddenly discouraged. "I don't know what I'm going to tell him. He thinks Edward overdosed on something. What do I say?"

"The official story is that Edward had a violent allergic reaction," said Carlisle. "Anaphylaxis. I'll speak to your father immediately to set the record straight. I need to thank him, regardless. We all owe Chief Swan a great deal of gratitude."

Esme nodded. "That we do. And then you'll start the paperwork for Edward's release?"

"As soon as I'm able." Carlisle gave Esme a kiss on the forehead and excused himself, leaving us alone.

Esme and I fell silent for a long while, both of us content to watch the slow rise and fall of Edward's chest as he slept.

"What do you think he's dreaming about?" I asked.

"Nothing, I hope," Esme mused. "He deserves a little peace right now. His poor mind is always so burdened, so crowded with unwelcome thoughts, constantly having to hold barriers up against everyone. No, I hope his sleep is deep and peaceful – and absolutely, one-hundred percent _quiet_."

***

I found Charlie in the waiting room, a forgotten cup of coffee cooling in his hand. He was alone, Carlisle already having come and gone. An old black and white television flickered in the background, but judging from the vacant expression on Charlie's face, I doubt he even knew it was on.

I couldn't help but notice how noble he looked, sitting there in his police uniform. And he _was_ noble. Unquestionably so. After all, he'd been the one who'd beaten a pulse back into Edward's chest while I'd just stood there, unable to move.

I'd been relatively strong since arriving at the hospital, but the sight of my father ultimately proved to be my undoing.

The first wave of emotion hit me hard, and my throat closed up on me. I pressed the back of my hand to my mouth, but it didn't help. A sob erupted from my chest regardless of my efforts to hold it back.

Charlie looked up, alarmed, and he was on his feet before the second sob hit me. "Oh, sweetheart. Come here."

Charlie and I had never been the hugging type – but on the rare occasions when I really needed it, his hugs were always the fiercest and the tightest. He folded me up in his arms, and let me cry myself out on his chest.

"Dr. Cullen said the boy would be fine, but that gave you quite a scare, didn't it?" said Charlie.

I nodded miserably. "Thank you, Dad. I was just frozen. If you hadn't been there..."

Charlie shrugged off the gratitude. "Well, I couldn't just let him croak right there on the floor, could I? I'd have to sell the house."

He'd meant it as a joke – or perhaps something to help shock me out of crying – and it worked. I pulled away from his chest, trying not to smile, and lightly punched him in the shoulder. "Not funny. And I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go all to pieces on you."

"Don't worry about it. Scared me a little, too," Charlie admitted begrudgingly. "Dr. Cullen said something about an allergic reaction? Could have sworn that kid OD'ed..."

"_Dad_."

"Well, _I'm sorry_. I'm a cop. We just think like that. Oh, don't you start crying on me again. I won't say another word about it."

"Good," I said. "Because that's just not true. And Dad? I need to ask you a favor. And you're not going to like it. You're probably going to say no."

Charlie squinted down at me, looking like he hadn't fully understood what I'd said. "Then why bother asking?"

I glared at him. "I know I'm still grounded, and I know you don't think much of Edward – but they're releasing him tonight. Can I please go to the Cullen house? I need to be there. I'll sleep in Alice's room or on the couch or something. Please, Dad."

Charlie squinted even harder -- until he resembled a child that had just been force-fed spinach. It wasn't a pretty face. "You sure the Cullens want you there? I know you mean well, Bella, but you might be in the way right now."

"I already asked and got permission."

Charlie rolled his eyes. "I swear, kid. I don't know what to do with you sometimes. You just _had_ to go crying on me, didn't you? And now you've got those weepy, puppy dog eyes. Bet you planned that in advance, huh? Just to make sure I was all nice and softened up so I couldn't say no." He growled and threw up his hands. "What the hell. I _suppose_ it would be all right if you stayed. But only if the Cullens are okay with it. But you're still grounded, Bella. Tonight doesn't change that."

I relaxed. "I know."

"And Edward's still got community service."

"You're impossible, you know that?"

"But I'll try to get him an extension tomorrow at the station."

I sighed and let my head rest on Charlie's shoulder. "Thanks, Dad."

***

After we left the hospital, Charlie brought me home to change clothes and grab a toothbrush. And then, after an embarrassing phone call to Esme to ensure I was invited, he begrudgingly allowed me out of the house. The fact that he'd ungrounded me for the night was a testament to how much Edward's collapse had frightened even Charlie.

Apparently, today was a day for miracles.

It wasn't a short drive to the Cullens' house, and as I tried to keep my truck steady on the road, I did a lot of thinking about that very thing: miracles.

I had long-considered Edward to be my own personal miracle. The missing part of me. An inexplicable, unlikely, and undeserved gift.

Had I just received another gift? It was a difficult thing to think about, having just witnessed Edward go through something so frightening. But if I looked at the situation without fear and worry clouding my opinion, I had to admit that the whole situation was miraculous. Edward was human. Surely that couldn't be a bad thing ... could it?

I honestly didn't know yet, and I wasn't ready to ponder the enormity of that question. At that moment, I didn't care if Edward was a vampire, human, or pygmy. I just wanted him to be okay.

Still, I knew that question was going to resurface very soon. It was just a matter of when.

I maneuvered the dark roads with care, gripping the steering wheel so tightly that I probably left indentations with my fingers. Despite the detour to my house and my stubborn adherence to the speed limit, I still beat Edward and his parents to the Cullen household. That was probably a first – a feat likely never to be repeated. It caused me a brief moment of panic, and I had to convince myself that the checkout paperwork had likely delayed them. I would go insane with worry if I let myself think otherwise.

The house was almost completely dark, only a single light on upstairs. But that didn't mean the rest of the family wasn't home. Shouldering my overnight bag, I got out of my truck and slammed the door. As I traversed the driveway, my movements triggered the motion-sensitive flood lights, and I could finally see where I was going. It was then that I noticed that Emmett and Jasper were on the front porch, deep in conversation. Emmett waved me over.

The summer night was relatively warm – for Forks, at any rate – but my teeth still chattered as I approached them. A product of my nerves, no doubt.

Jasper nodded in my direction by way of greeting. "Emmett and I were just discussing your friend, the memorable Mr. Waxman."

I lifted an eyebrow, arms wrapped tight across my chest. "If he hurt Edward, believe me – he's no friend of mine."

"Ooh," said Emmett approvingly. "Hell hath no fury. That _woman scorned_ bit looks good on you, Bella. This whole thing is your boyfriend's fault, by the way. We warned him about that old goat a long time ago."

"Esme said you found him. Where did you bring him?" I asked, not certain I wanted to know.

"Basement," they chimed in unison.

"Did he try to do anything to any of you?"

"We put tape over his mouth before he had a chance," said Emmett.

"Because Emmett was afraid he'd start spouting off _magical spells_," explained Jasper with a snigger. "Even though I told him real wizardry is far more complicated than that."

Emmett scoffed. "I wasn't _scared_."

"Do you feel that, Bella? The flagrant lies, flying left and right? Oh, you can't? I guess it's just me, then."

"I just didn't like being around him, okay?" Emmett said, growing more defensive by the second. "He smelled like _raisins, _Jasper. Do you know what else smells like raisins? Pee. That's what."

I wrinkled my nose. "You didn't hurt him, did you?"

Jasper shrugged one shoulder. "Not physically. Though Emmett played country music on the way back, so I can't say for certain."

"Dixie Chicks," said Emmett with a wicked grin. "Circa 1998."

"Evil," I murmured, eyes wide.

"Nah," said Emmett. "The guy was humming along in the backseat, even with tape over his mouth. I think he liked it."

"Well, he better enjoy himself while he still can," said Jasper. "Before Carlisle gets home."

Emmett's grin widened. "Daddy's not going to be happy."

"Nor mommy," said Jasper.

"Just between the three of us, mommy scares me more." Emmett clapped his hands together with glee. "This is going to be _epic_."

I added nothing to conversation. In my opinion, the entire day had already qualified as _epic_.

At that moment, the front door opened and Alice appeared, her footsteps silent as she flitted across the porch like a cat. Her eyes were fixed on the distance, locked onto something I couldn't see. "Grow up, you two. And hello, Bella."

"You see something?" asked Jasper, coming up behind her and placing his hands on her tiny shoulders.

Alice nodded. "They're on their way, and they'll be here in less than five minutes. Most importantly, Edward's finally awake." She turned to peer at me, half of her lovely face shrouded in shadow. "I'm glad you came, Bella. He's going to need you tonight."

***

To be continued.

**Author's Note: **This chapter was a bit more serious than the others, but don't worry. It will get light-hearted again soon. This is not an angst-y story. I just couldn't picture Bella and the Cullens _not_ taking something like that seriously.

I'll continue to update this story regularly until it's finished. You may now berate and punish me for not updating for a year. (You know. Whips. Chains. Renesmee fanfic.) Even I admit that I deserve that much.

Submissively yours,  
Coquette


	4. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **While re-reading this story the other day, it occurred to me that I messed up the timeline. For some reason, I always think there's more time between _New Moon_ and _Eclipse_ than there actually is. I don't know if you've noticed, but in my head, it's been summertime in this story. That would be incorrect. It's supposed to be springtime. No big deal, but it's bugging me.

So to clarify, this story takes place at the end of Bella and Edward's senior year, sometime before they graduate. _Eclipse_ hasn't happened yet.

***

**The Small Print**  
Written by Coquette

**Chapter Six**

I barely recognized Edward when he emerged from the backseat of Carlisle's Mercedes. He looked younger – as though he truly was seventeen now, both in body _and_ in mind. His shoulders were tense, his chin downcast as he walked to the rear of the car and pulled a few grocery bags out of the trunk. It took me a minute to figure out why he would need groceries at all, and then the strangeness of the whole situation struck me again.

I had just made up my mind to go help him when Alice caught my hand. She brought her mouth close to my ear and whispered, "He's feeling out of sorts, Bella. Out of place. You need to make sure he knows that you love him despite the fact that he's not as perfect anymore."

My brow creased in confusion. "Not as ... perfect? What does that have to do with anything? He'll always be perfect to me."

A smile warmed Alice's face. "And that's exactly why I'm glad you're here. I know you don't see him in those terms, but _he_ needs to know that. He's a little insecure right now."

Behind us, the door to the house opened, and Rosalie joined our group on the porch. "Are they here?" she asked. "Oh. Is that really what he looked like when he was a human? How strange..."

"He doesn't need that right now, Rose," said Alice. "Everyone, just act normal, okay? It's still Edward."

"If you say so," muttered Emmett. "This is so weird."

Jasper nodded in Edward's direction. "I could give his emotions a little boost, you know. Just to get him through this rough patch."

Alice shook her head. "No, that's just a quick fix. Let Bella have some time alone with him. I think that would help more than anything."

Rosalie hoisted one perfect eyebrow. "I don't think Bella is going to be able to fix Edward this time."

"There's nothing to fix," I said, arms crossed tight over my chest.

Rosalie turned to stare at me, and I held her gaze until she looked away. I barely recognized myself at that moment. I didn't know what had gotten into me or where the boldness had come from. All I knew was that I felt fiercely protective of Edward. Not that Rosalie wasn't, but she was seeing things through the eyes of a vampire -- not through the eyes of Edward's mate.

Plastic bags hanging from his wrists, Edward kept his eyes trained on the ground as they approached. Esme and Carlisle both flanked him – Carlisle looking stern as he fiddled with his keys, Esme offering to help Edward with his bags. He refused politely, drawing a pained look of concern out of his mother that he failed to notice.

I stood between Edward and the door, so he was forced to look at me when he reached the porch.

_There you are_, I thought, relaxing when we locked gazes. _You don't have to hide from me._

His eyes said it all -- those beautiful green eyes I was so unfamiliar with. He was scared, uncomfortable, and he just wanted to go inside without a fuss. I understood what it felt like to not want to be the center of attention, so I acted quickly. I moved in and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Then I took one of the grocery bags from him, nodded to Alice, and guided him into the house.

When I glanced backwards, I saw Alice holding her arms out, barring the door from her family. "I know you're all worried about him. I am, too. But just _wait_."

***

Neither of us said anything as we made our way into the kitchen. I sympathized with him, knowing all too well what it felt like to have others talking behind your back and scrutinizing your every move. So I didn't say anything or ask him if he was all right, though I was dying to know. Together, we placed the grocery bags on the kitchen table.

Frowning deeply, Edward held his hand up, made a tight fist, then relaxed it.

"Is something wrong with your hand?" I asked.

"I can't feel it."

I took his hand within my own, noting that his skin was rougher now -- not smooth like glass anymore. Still, the warmth was pleasant. "You've got red marks on your wrist," I said. "Those are from the bags. You probably cut your circulation off, and your hand went to sleep." I moved closer, staring up into his face as I massaged his fingers. "Is that better?"

He didn't answer the question. "They all looked at me like I was some sort of freak."

I squeezed his hand and whispered, "You're not a freak."

He closed his eyes and exhaled. "Can we just pretend everything is normal for a little while? Please, Bella. I know it won't last, but just for a little while?"

I gave his hand a final squeeze and brought it to my mouth for a kiss. "If that's what you need. Let's talk about something else. So what did you get at the grocery store? Anything I would like?"

My words seemed to have a relaxing effect on him. He exhaled again, not as sharp this time, as though he was realizing that it was safe with me. I wasn't going to push him anywhere he didn't want to go or make him feel like he was anything other than the Edward I loved.

He nudged one of the plastic bags. "I don't think I did a very good job shopping. Esme was the one who insisted on stopping at the store because we didn't have much food in the house -- just the things that you like to keep here. They let me pick out what I wanted, though I hardly knew where to start."

"Are you hungry? I could make you something."

"I honestly don't know. I feel so strange."

The panicked look returned to his face, and I quickly changed the subject again. "I see you got peanut butter. A wise choice. My favorite."

Edward plucked the jar of peanut butter from the bag. "That's why I chose it. Since you seem to have such an affinity for it, I thought I might like it as well. Though I'm not certain what to make of it." He unscrewed the lid, a distrustful look on his face as he sniffed at the contents.

I frowned. "Wait. Edward, please tell me you've had peanut butter before. You're acting like you don't even know what it is."

"Of course, I know what it is. But _what is it_?"

"I'm ... not sure how to respond to that."

"I read the label in the store," said Edward, "and I still can't make sense of it. Since when is food so _unnatural_? Have you ever looked at the ingredient labels of common items like this? I've been to some of the most elite schools in the nation, and I still don't recognize half of these chemical names. I mean, there are obviously peanuts in this jar because they're listed as the main ingredient. But where are they, I ask you? I can smell them, but I can't see them. The product is the same color as peanuts, but it's a little _too_ peanut-colored if you ask me. Like it's trying too hard, you know? Trying to cover up the fact that there aren't any real peanuts to be had in this so-called _butter_. And that brings me to another point. I mean, butter? Is that really what they're calling it? The ingredients fail to indicate even the slightest hint of butter in this jar. I don't understand, Bella. Explain this Skippy phenomenon to me."

Pursing my lips, I contemplated his words. To be honest, I wasn't sure if he was talking about the unnaturalness of peanut butter – or the unnaturalness of something closer to home.

"Would you like a spoon?" I asked.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "You want me to eat it?"

"Well, if you can think of anything else to do with it, maybe do it outside of the house so Esme doesn't get mad."

"Is it actually digestible? I won't have to cough it up later like a hairball?"

"Not unless you want to. And wow. That was really gross. Thank you for the word-picture."

"Hmph. You're welcome."

I located the rarely-used silverware drawer, and after rummaging around for a moment, held a polished silver spoon out to Edward. "I dare you."

Edward took the spoon from me almost haughtily -- which secretly pleased me to no end. He was out of the funk now. More at ease. Comfortable enough to banter with me despite his dejected mood.

He scraped off the thinnest layer of peanut butter from the top and held it up to the light to inspect.

"Are you kidding me?" I said, leaning against the counter.

He glared at me, then scooped out a little more. Taking a deep breath, he put the spoon in his mouth and closed his eyes in concentration.

A moment later, I asked, "Do you understand the Skippy phenomenon now?"

Edward nodded without opening his eyes.

***

"I think I'm going to be sick."

I held my hand out, and he relinquished the spoon. We were seated on the kitchen floor with our backs against the counters, a partially-eaten jar of peanut butter between us. I put my head on his shoulder, breathing in his pleasing yet different scent. He smelled warm. Like sunshine and budding leaves and clean skin.

"I know you don't want to talk about certain things," I said, "but are you okay?"

Edward shrugged. "I don't know. I'm trying not to think about it. Are _you_ okay?"

"Also trying not to think about it."

"This is going to take some getting used to. Do you still like me as much as you did before? Now that I have the same bodily functions as swine?"

"I have those same bodily functions, too, you know."

"Yes, but you make them look cute."

I smiled and reached up to touch his cheek. "Oh, Edward. I don't know what's going on, but we'll figure it out, okay? All I care about is that you're safe. Mmm, feel that cheek. You're going to need to shave in the morning." I ran my hand over his jaw-line, feeling the slightest hint of stubble rake against my fingers.

"Am I?" He smiled crookedly. "This is really happening, isn't it? You didn't answer my question, by the way. Do you still like me now that I don't _sparkle_?"

"I didn't answer because it was a ridiculous question. Edward, we're an absolute. Nothing is going to change that. I've never cared about the packaging. You've always been nice to look at, but that's just a perk. And for the record, you're _still_ nice to look at. Your eyes..."

I made a show of swooning against him, hoping to make him laugh. He didn't laugh, but a real smile touched his features.

He hugged me close and pressed his face into my hair. "I love you so much. I don't know what I would do if you weren't here."

"Your family's here, too," I gently hinted. "I know they want to see you."

"I don't want to see them right now."

"That's not fair. They've been so worried."

"It's embarrassing."

"Edward, they love you just as much as I do."

"But that's not going to stop them from viewing me like I'm handicapped now. And I feel like I am, Bella. I feel like I've gone blind and deaf -- like someone's holding pillows against my ears. I can't even hear what others are thinking anymore. It's hard to breathe, like my lungs aren't used to stretching wide enough. My body hurts -- not badly -- only normal human aches and pains, I think. I just haven't experienced such a thing in so long. But I'm okay, you know? Just ... adjusting. I have to say, though, it's nice not to feel the flames in my throat when your scent hits me. That part is rather wonderful."

Face still buried in my hair, Edward breathed in deeply and sighed.

"Edward, what happened after I left you there at that house?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't get upset.

He shrugged again. "Nothing. Waxman turned out to be a nice man. Sort of heartbreaking, really. I fixed his fence and cleared the lawn of debris. And after I told him that I would come back tomorrow with some paint for the house, he was so pleased that he said he wanted to give me something. Then he brought out this bowl with this strange liquid in it. He put some on my forehead and starting humming and mumbling incoherently. It was bizarre, to say the least."

"You just stood there and let him?"

"I think I was in shock," said Edward. "It wasn't as if I thought he could actually do anything to me. So I stood there until he was finished. Bella, I know my family -- they went after that old man, didn't they?"

"Carlisle didn't tell you?"

Edward shook his head. "He worries too much. I don't think they want me around Waxman again."

"I'm not sure I want you around him either, but they have him downstairs in the basement. I have to admit, I'm a little scared for him. I don't actually think your family would harm him. On purpose, I mean. What I'm trying to say is that they're a little..."

"Upset," said Edward. "I know. And accidents happen."

"Do you want to go down there?"

He nodded. "I do. They're not the only ones that need some answers."

***

I could feel the tension in the basement before we even made it down the stairs. The rest of the family was already down there, standing in a semicircle like a collection of statues in a museum.

Larry Waxman sat in the middle of it all. He was perched on a short stool in the middle of the group, his hands tied behind his back, a piece of tape secured over his mouth. He didn't look particularly concerned that he was outnumbered and outmatched. He swayed back and forth on the stool, humming tunelessly through the tape.

The sight of him broke my heart -- especially the amputated leg and the cane resting against the wall in the corner. I was glad to see that he was both unharmed and calm. Though admittedly, the fact that he was so calm was a bit disconcerting. If I were in his place, I would be terrified.

When Esme heard our footfalls on the stairs, she turned and said, "Edward, sweetheart -- I don't want you down here. You either, Bella. Please let us handle this. He could hurt you."

"I doubt he'll try," said Edward. "Why is he tied up? That's a bit overkill, don't you think?"

"It was a precautionary measure the safety of the others," said Carlisle. "We were about to see what he had to say for himself. Take the tape off of his mouth, please, Emmett. Take care not to hurt him."

Emmett's shoulders tensed, a scowl twisting his handsome features. "Why me?"

Standing slightly apart from the group, Jasper snorted and muttered, "Chicken."

Emmett's nostrils flared, and he craned his head around to glare at Jasper. "Yankee."

Jasper's mouth fell open, aghast. "_You take that back_."

Rosalie made an impatient sound in her throat. "I'll do it," she said. Marching fearlessly over to the supposed warlock, she leaned down and peeled the tape off of his mouth. Then she hissed, "What did you do to my brother, old man?"

Carlisle put his hand on Rosalie's shoulder and gently guided her behind him. "I know you're concerned for Edward, but I'll handle this, Rose. Mr. Waxman, is it? My name is Carlisle Cullen."

Larry nodded, still looking quite cheerful for someone who had been kidnapped. "Yes, I know who you are," he said in his nasal tone. "You treated a veteran friend of mine in the hospital two years ago, free of charge. He passed on a few weeks ago, but he spoke very highly of you before he went. Especially being what you are and all."

The basement became very quiet.

"You know what we are?" asked Esme in a small voice.

Larry appeared confused, and he looked around from face to face. "Oh, my. Hasn't anyone told you? Well, I'm sorry to be the one to break this to you, but..." He leaned forward and whispered, "You're _vampires_."

"Good to know," said Rosalie, casting her eyes toward the ceiling.

Carlisle gestured at Edward. "Do you recognize this young man?"

Larry peered in our direction, squinting through his thick glasses. A moment later, his face split into a toothless smile. "Yes, I do! Edward Anthony. He fixed my fence and did a beautiful job, at that. And he didn't eat my goats. _Or_ my cat. _Or_ me. You've done a superb job curbing the darkness in him, Carlisle Cullen. And you, Isabella Swan. Few recognize the _power of the dark side_."

Carlisle's answering smile was tight. "Mr. Waxman, did you or did you not turn my son into a human?"

Larry cocked his head to the side, blinking through his coke-bottle glasses in confusion. "A human? I don't understand. Oh. Oh, my! _Oh, I see_. Well, isn't that extraordinary?"

"Wait," said Jasper. "He genuinely feels surprised. You weren't the one that transformed him, Waxman?"

"No, no, no," said Larry, shaking his head until his cheeks jiggled. "I don't have that kind of power. He must have brought that upon himself."

"He's not lying," said Jasper.

Everyone turned to look at Edward, who said nothing.

"I mean, I helped," continued Larry. "I provided the ingredients. The incantation. The blessing. But no human could pull off that sort of magic."

"I think you're more powerful than you let on," said Carlisle.

Larry guffawed. "One could say the same about the lot of you. Especially _that one_."

Then he nodded -- of all places -- in _my_ direction. I blanched, shocked by his words. What was he talking about? Even with Edward human, I was still the weakest person in the room.

"I do have certain skills, as you've noted," Larry admitted, "but not the sort of thing that could change a vampire into a human."

"What _can_ you do?" asked Emmett, sounding like he wasn't sure he really wanted to know.

"I can influence," said Larry. "Guide others. Protect myself, if I need to. I could walk right out of here if I wanted to."

"That's ridiculous," said Rosalie. "You're surrounded by a coven of vampires. Do you really think you're going to be able to escape us? We don't influence easily."

Larry wriggled his bushy eyebrows at her and said, "These aren't the droids you're looking for."

Like a marionette, Rosalie turned to Emmett and said, "These aren't the droids we're looking for."

Then Rosalie shook her head like she was waking up from a dream, and she looked at Larry in horror. Spinning on her heels, she stormed up the stairs and out of the basement. Emmett growled at Larry and hurried after her.

Carlisle held up his hands to regain the peace. "Mr. Waxman, if you can exercise that level of mind control over us, why did you let my children take you tonight?"

"I knew they wouldn't harm me," said Larry. "Not that they could. Really, I just wanted to go for a ride. It gets lonely up there in that old house."

Esme put a hand over her heart, her face sympathetic.

"I still don't understand how this has happened," said Carlisle. "What exactly did you do to Edward? You said you blessed him?"

"It was meant to be a reward," said Larry. "Never before have I seen a specimen such as him. So caring for his human companion, despite the fact that he thirsts for her. Willing to help out a funny old man in the woods. I know it isn't easy for your kind, so I thought a reward was in order. Besides the goat I gave him, of course. So I gathered together the materials for the blessing. It's an open-ended sort of thing. The receiver makes a wish, and if they are deserving -- _only if they are deserving_ -- that wish might be granted by anyone upstairs that happens to be paying attention. Then I gave it to him and told him to name his reward. Anything he desired. Isn't that right, Edward Anthony?"

Edward's lips were pressed into a hard line. "I thought you were being facetious."

"Oh," said Larry. "Well. I wasn't. At any rate, I'm astonished that this is what you decided upon. And delighted! When I gave you the blessing, I assumed you would choose something else. Like a lifetime supply of colored contact lenses or something along those lines. Vampires can never have enough of those. Someone upstairs must be smiling down upon you, my boy. I've never seen a wish fulfilled with such a display of divine power. To unmake a being – then remake him into something else entirely -- yes, yes, I'm sure now I was right to give it to you."

Carlisle fell silent for a few moments, then said, "I'm glad to have spoken with you tonight, Mr. Waxman. I don't think you meant to harm Edward. You seem as though you have a good heart. But I need to know, for my own peace of mind – is he going to be all right?"

Larry looked in our direction again, and I noticed that he was staring in particular at my hand held firmly in Edward's.

"He has some choices to make," said Larry thoughtfully. "And I think he'll make the right ones. Yes, he's going to be just fine. No more of that nasty influenza to ravage his body, eh? But remember, Edward Anthony -- where there are blessings, there are also responsibilities. When it comes time to make your choice, do or do not. There is no try."

"That sounds familiar," said Esme. "Is that a proverb?"

I frowned. "No. I think that was _Return of the Jedi_."

"_The Empire Strikes Back_, dear," corrected Larry. "Let's not be silly."

Edward suddenly released my hand and stepped forward.

The room became still again as everyone's attention fixed upon him. He moved slowly, like he was still contemplating everything Larry had just disclosed. Then Edward moved behind the aging warlock and untied his hands. Once Larry was free, Edward dropped to one knee in front of him and took one of those gnarled hands between his own.

"Thank you," was all he said. "Thank you."

Larry beamed down at him. "Don't thank me. You earned it, so thank yourself. And perhaps thank those standing here in support of you as well. I don't think I need to tell you why. I hope this means you're pleased with your reward?"

Edward opened and closed his mouth several times before he found the words. "I'm not certain yet. But I think so, yes. I feel like I've been given a second chance -- a chance to finally do right by Bella. I've never felt right about endangering her so. And I didn't specifically wish to be made human, you know. I only asked for a way for us to be together without hurting Bella."

Larry's eyes grew wide behind his glasses. "Oh, dear. I didn't realize you were so vague with your request. That changes things. Well, you were very lucky, then. Some trickster deity could have turned you into a fluffy bunny rabbit. They like to twist these wishes around, you know. You should, um, keep that in mind. Though I'm sure nothing _bad_ will happen. No, no, of course not. Now, then -- where did that lovely blonde creature go off to? I think she liked me."

***

To be continued.

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the slow update. Work is seriously kicking my ass. I need a hug. :(

If you didn't understand a line in this chapter, chances are it was a quote from one of the _Star Wars_ movies. ;)


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